Pale Porcelain Princess

I have been feeling out of sorts the past couple of weeks. A strange, foreboding heaviness that I cannot place my fingers on plagues a heart that that is already burdened with...IT that shall not be named. [SOL]

I fear for my sanity, which if you don't know by now is hanging by a silvery, gossamer-thin thread. It clearly behooves me and all those around me for me to remain somewhat uncrazy because when madness takes over, I just become a puddle of murky, suffocating melancholy.

Here is but a wee flashback to how I can be when the heart and mind are weighed down by a 1-tonne millstone. 'Tis not a pretty sight, I assure you.

An Excerpt from a darker time...

....It appears that I'm in one of my melancholic bouts. Those of you who know me will know that it is during times like this that I can't help but give the proverbial permanently stitched heart on the sleeve a good airing for all and sundry. And I don't even care if you don't give a damn satang. Not anymore.

Do you know how much I hate tears? People who say that crying is good for the soul, that it's in fact a positive form of cathartic release are just full of B.S. I'm typing this through a fog of water+salt and trust me, I'm not feeling any sort of release here.

Why does nobody place any sort of value on friendships and relationships in this city? No, seriously, I really want to know. *out of sighT, out of mind* seems to be the adage of the day here. Friendships forged are transient and superficial at best and most times casually dismissed when one's tangible presence isn't around anymore. At first, I was appalled and beyond hurt at such cavalier attitudes towards relationships and such but now that I'm wiser (chyea) and been through the whole hoopla a dozen times over with unkept promises of *I'll keep in touch*, *no matter what happens, I'll always have your back*, I now ASPIRE to adopt this same flippant, lassire fare attitude about anything that even breathes.

Having said that, I am still anti-facebook and will not despite mounting peer pressure from all fronts, sign up on the shallowest and most superficial and FAKE *social networking* site to sprout up on the internet ever. As with all fads, this too shall pass. Anyone even remember friendster? 'nuff said. [note the self-righteous, holier-than-thou spirit here, yes you don't want to cross my path when I'm drowning in a pool of pain, disillusionment and severe let-downess.]

I shall strive my darndest to treat folks who pass through my life as disposible, dispensible and replaceable. [she says with such passion, such gusto, such blustering bluff, only at that time she believed she would/could do it]....

So, in the spirit of Good Friday and Easter, I shall strive to shake off this impending, n'er-bode-well feeling that only signals the oncoming rush of something So. Much. Worse.

rescue.me